My Face

My face defines me. I am pale, with a natural blush. Luckily I've never gone through the acne stage, but I'm bound to get the random zit every now and then, and my skin can become quite dry. I am nowhere near the expert at makeup. so sometimes I use a little bit of rouge (even though I don't need it), concealer, mascara and eyeliner. And I can't forget my favourite, my stack of lip balms that make my lips silky smooth.

The fortunate clearness shows the blank slate that I am experiencing at the moment. I recently decided to start anew. I'm sure it was a mix of positive pursuation and sudden exposure. I went from a place where conformity and similiarity is key, to a place where originality and differences make someone unique and special. In other words I switched from a private highschool to public for my final year. I guess someone could question my sanity, but so far I feel it is the right decision and this will make it easier for me to establish the basis of who I am.

And that's where all the makeup comes in. I apply the makeup without a foundation, therefore I plan my future without the present. Basically I am sure to overthink and analyse my future, while forgetting to, excuse the cliche, live in the moment.

The zits, that many wake up to in a fit, are the problems that I must face, whether they will always be with me, or just happen to pop up when I least expect them to. The ones that always seem to leave and return to the exact same places are my permanent problems. Though I may be able to push them out of my head at certain times, they will always come back and eventually I will have to learn to live with them. Yes, I may not accept some of those issues at the moment and will easily become even more frustrated with others who do not accept or understand how I feel.

I could than bring in the fact that I have a nose stud, and say that I am rebelious....yet my mom did come with me to get the peirce. I do dream of rebellion, the whole "I am my own person, I want to break free" thing. I'm sure it's natural for the teenager who is trying to figure out who they are and what they want in life.

I can usually look at a person's face and analyse their personality. It's a strange ability that I have. It's mostly in the way that someone smiles or simply in the lines and shape that define their face. This can show if their gentle, calm, cynical, intelligent, or not so intelligent....and that is why everyone has a different face. Yes, I'm sure each face does not meet my former metaphors, but much of our definition shines through our facial expressions.

Boys

I have met too many types of boys in my 17 years of life, here’s just to name a few of them:

One would be the celebrity, OMG I’m going to idolize him and imagine a 25 year old in Hollywood as my future husband...no. I know many girls do and I can understand they’re good looking, but why waste your desires on the impossible.

Then there’s the “I’ll talk to you alone, but not when I’m around anyone else” I mean am I not good enough to exist wholly in this world. You may think you’re being nice to me, but I can see the ignorance. You don’t really know who I am, and I’m pretty sure you’re not about to find out.

It’s not even possible to just have a guy friend! Either he thinks that you like him (but you don’t) and he runs in the opposite direction or he likes you a lot, but you just want to be his friend and he doesn’t really like that idea.

And there’s the saddest one of all, the one that barely talks to you, but for some reason you are utterly in love with him. When you are around him you can’t stop looking at him, your voice gets caught in your throat, and the butterflies flap vigorously in your stomach.

The best feeling, I think, is when you don’t have a crush at all. Then you can just be yourself anywhere and everywhere and you can focus on the more important aspects in your life. No day dreams, no longing, and it feels amazing.

Yes I’m 17, I look at couples and envy them, but sometimes I say to myself, “You are free girl! Live your life and have fun with your girlfriends before it’s too late. Before you have to work, before you have children, before you have to grow up...”

Expression Through Song

I can't stand soulja boy. Everyone loves that song and it's played over and over and over again. I guess sometimes if a song is pushed in your face enough times you're bound to kind of like it. Soulja boy is just one of those songs that was never able to wrap itself around me.

"Then I'm Cocking On Your Bitch
You Catch Me At Yo Local Party
Yes I Crank It Everyday"
-Soulja Boy

First of all who the hell speaks like that? I mean did you suddenly drop school and join the gangsta movement of improper english? Second, whoah there soulja boy...military cocking bitch machine, you sound terribly romantic. This song is really sexist. This is what makes a good song for kids to dance to at a party? Is this inspiration? What has this world come to? How do I escape it?

I admit I do have some songs of the inapropriate type, but they are usually made by talented artists, like Akon or by writers of broadway musicals who actually understand what music is. Also if I have a rap song with a non-rap chorus then I usually listen to the chorus and tune out for the rest of the song. The only time I listen to rap is if it's in a song like Lose Yourself by Eminem, or Where is the love by Black Eyed Peas, a song that has meaning and truth behind it's words.

Forever by Chris Brown, I like this song, but seriously don't advertise for wrigleys gum in a song about love. Double your pleasure, double your fun...A song shouldn't be an advertisement. A song should be something that comes from the heart, an expression of a thought. No, a song does not have to be about love, I'm sure at least half of the songs I listen to are about love in one way or another.

I just recently saw a play called spring awakening which emphasizes music based on everyday feelings that just constantly build up inside of us. "Oh I'm gonna bruise you, oh I'm gonna be your bruise." This is what love really is. Yes there is a connection, Yes, there is a longing, but we are always bound to hurt the ones we love no matter how much we care. In the end after all we've been through we still believe that "all will be forgiven" and that "there is love in heaven" shining down on us helping us make it through the day. It's amazing how music can fit almost every situation in our lives. If you're happy you can listen to music, If you feel sad you can listen to music, and if you're mad you can throw stuff at the wall...or you can listen to music. Wouldn't it be great to sing a song for every time we were inspired, every time we were let down, every time we were in trouble. People could express themselves and life could just be one big musical.

Yes,
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one.

Music is expression and feeling...life...is the same.

Speck

I am small. Zoom out and I am a speck trudging along terrain that stretches for miles. In the beginning I was all alone. Then another speck came along and I called her friend. The years went by and eventually I encountered many specks. Some of them stuck to me and I held onto them. For some I came close, but then they would turn away, at other times they came close and I would turn away. And many I did not meet at all as they went along their way. Some made me laugh, some made me cry, each one taught me something new; How to dream, how to love, how to go on with my life. I learned about emotions, about mind body and soul, about the world I live in. My world belonging to so many beautiful things dazzling all around, but along with the good, of course comes bad and the fate of destruction.
A speck is a delicate thing so small and fragile, so weak, so anonymous. And as quickly as one appears one vanishes. The speck is erased and forgotten. We may notice a disappearance, but after a while we realize it is only a speck, it is only a speck. In some places in the world specks will attack others saying that they are different, falling upon them and forcing them to vanish. We are all specks, we are all small, we are all the same. We don't want to vanish.

You Can Touch Perfection

I always turn to the person next to me and say, "Look at the sky". They look up for a second and then the look in their eyes tells me, "Yes, smart one, if you look up you can see the sky..." There's just something about the colours of nature. They kind of fill my soul and I just can't get enough of it. They're so...so...genuine. I can analyse a peice of grass and people think I'm a nutcase.

This picture that you see is from a national park called Killarney, just a little peice of heaven that I had the chance to experience. Nature's true beauty filled with luscious greenary and gatorade blue waters (acid lakes). Six days with two changes of clothing...I did bring six pairs of underwear though (that, I was willing to carry). No toilet, No hairbrush...No soap. I survived, and it was all worthwhile (including the shower I took when I got back).

Look at the sky. "No one person controls those colours. No one person created them, or could ever change them." And that is something that each and every one of us should appreciate. The yellow and orange that greet us each morning and the purple and red that put us to bed.

We state that nothing is perfect. We never seem to notice that there is perfection shining all around us. Stars shimmering across a black canvas sky. A scarlet red rose peeking through the garden gate. Perfection is so close to us that we can see it. We can even touch it, feel it.

So see it, touch it, feel it, and you'll know..............it's there.